For the past few years, I have been saying that Time has no meaning whatsoever because I blink and another year has passed.
I can never figure out how Butterfly got so big when I could swear she was just born 6 months ago. And it is utterly impossible - but very true - that my little brother is having his 20th high school reunion this year.
In the last 20 days, though, Time has made my head spin in ways I didn't think were possible.
Twenty days ago I learned our friend was in the hospital with pneumonia. It made total sense because in May she worked for weeks on her friends' house that had been destroyed in the flood. I thought she maybe got sick from all the mold.
Seventeen days ago, we were told it could be cancer instead and they were doing tests.
Fourteen or fifteen days ago they confirmed inoperable cancer.
Twelve days ago she went home from the hospital and also left me an inspiring comment on my FB status about praying for her (which is so her).
Today she is in heaven. Just like that.
Most of those days, I was sure this would not happen. She is not someone I thought the world could do without. She loved too many people and was beloved by countless. She served and laughed. She attracted people like a magnet and made all of us feel welcomed. She inspired the kind of devotion that made our hearts melt for her. She was too bright and surely if she left, the world would get darker.
But today, the sun did not appear to know she was gone. The birds were singing and the flowers were blooming. People were driving places in their cars. I drove places in my car.
I thought it was so odd, and it reminded me of Skeeter Davis singing on my mother's old record: "Why does the sun go on shining, why does the sea rush to shore? Don't they know it's the end of the world....." and "I wake up in the morning and I wonder why everything's the same as it was. I can't understand, no I can't understand, how life goes on the way it does."
Life goes on. For us and also for Nancy because she is in Eternity.
She is free of Time with all its strangeness and constraints. She is free of sickness and pain and sorrow. She is free to run and dance and probably even fly. And she is free to throw parties for Jesus and hang out with her friends and little dogs who got there first. Don't you know they are SO glad to see her?
I know we will see her again in a while. But we have to go through Time first, and right now it seems to be a dark tunnel where things don't make much sense and weird things happen. But the days will turn into weeks and the years will start turning into hours and then minutes.
Rob heard me say her name aloud in my sleep this morning. I would give anything to remember that dream because maybe my spirit knew she was gone even if my mind didn't yet. Did I see her smiling and flying, dancing and laughing?
I love you, sweet Nancy. I am thankful to have known you. I wanted more Time with you, but I know Eternity is the best. Until then, I'll see you in my dreams.
