On mailing a package

My husband just had to mail a rather large package (28 lbs, 44" x 14" x 6") this morning, and when he returned from the adventure, he was compelled to write this 'proem'. I had to post it.

On Mailing A Package

It’s amazing how many things can go wrong mailing a package
how many things you need to remember to bring with you
in order to mail said package.

You need:
• the package
• packing tape (if it’s not already taped shut)
• money (i.e. your wallet)
• the address where the package is going

Without anyone of these things, your attempt at mailing the package will fail.
If you happen to remember that you forgot your wallet (or the package) after driving to the nearest Post Office, consider yourself lucky that you didn’t just wait in a long line at the Post Office only to reach the counter and publicly find yourself to be a complete idiot in front of a long line of people who have nothing better to do than to silently, carefully consider and (clucking their tongues, no doubt) feel sorry for the complete idiot who left his wallet (or the address, or god help you the package) at home, thereby failing the relatively simple act of mailing a package.

When you return to finish mailing the package, perhaps you’ll put your keys in the wrong pocket, and after mailing the package, return to your car and begin hunting for them, only to not be able to find them because devils have caused them to find a small flap of cloth in your pocket where they will be absolutely, ineffably hidden from you, thus making you think you left them on the counter and the horror of facing the postal clerk who just told you you could come to the front of the line when you come back with your package or money or address (even though when you finally made it back to the Post Office, there was no one in line, just the nice clerk grinning at you) the horror of facing the clerk’s grin makes your stomach fall and the skin on your scalp crawl. Or, shock and horror and bloody demons, you may have somehow inadvertently mailed your keys.

At this point you have several options. You can:
• Scream with rage
• Groan with frustration
• Laugh (recommended)
• Attack an innocent bystander (not recommended)
• Rifle through your pockets once again, praying you find your keys.

Hopefully the small prayer will bind the devils long enough for you keys to make a sound, and you will save yourself the further humiliation of not just leaving your keys at the Post Office, but even worse the humiliation of mistakenly thinking that you’ve left your keys at the Post Office after forgetting the package you meant to mail (or the money or address or tape) and confirming to the postal clerk that you’re having a really bad day and shouldn’t be trusted to keep track of anything or anyone.

$1,401,104,263

It's been a while since I've written, I know, but I've been kind of busy with Butterfly. Also, I didn't have much to say, honestly. But I read this article yesterday, and it so perfectly explains a little of why I am so mad at politicians of all types (conservative, liberal, Republican, Democrat, senators, presidents, etc.). I just had to share:

$1,401,104,263.

That's how much of our hard-earned money has gone to subsidize the spring break-style trips and conferences of the federal government over the last five years. Spending on bureaucracy boondoggles has increased some 70 percent in that time period.

We wouldn't know anything about this binge if Sen. Tom Coburn, R-Okla., hadn't asked. Last summer, the pork-busting chairman of the Senate Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Subcommittee on Federal Financial Management, Government Information and International Security surveyed all federal departments and agencies and directed them to document their conference, meetings and travel expenses since 2000. At a hearing on Tuesday, Sen. Coburn unveiled his findings.

You'll be happy to know that the government junkets your tax dollars have funded include:

-- A Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) trip to the resort town of Los Cabos, Mexico, for a conference on American real estate and urban areas.

-- Another HUD outing to Honolulu -- for the Sacramento, Calif., Home Ownership Fair.

-- A Department of State expedition to Vienna, Austria, to partake in "7 Habits of Highly Effective People" and "Train the Trainer" workshops.

-- A Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) jaunt by 236 employees to an AIDS conference in Barcelona, Spain. Price tag: $3.6 million.

-- A total of 59 HHS conferences around the world with delegations of more than 100 -- including over 1,000 attendees to sunny Orlando, Fla. Employed by HHS? You're going to Disney World!

It would be one thing if all this worldwide travel were actually related to the actual agency/department goals and duties of the federal employees packing their bags and riding off into the sunset. But in too many cases, there is little if any connection between the meetings and the mission.

Read more here.

The thing is this: I would really love to have some of my tax money - that they are spending so lavishly - back so I could buy a Tivo. Our VCR is not recording right (and for once it wasn't USER error...), so all we got of Lost last night was static - Yikes! So I am downloading last night's episode right now from iTunes, but since we have dial-up internet it probably won't be done till next week's episode...tee hee.

Come to think of it, if the government would just streamline the IRS and make the tax code easier so we didn't have to pay all those tons of IRS employees, then maybe I could have some more tax money back to upgrade to cable internet. And then, if they would stop spending so much on bridges to nowhere in Alaska, I could even have wireless internet, the epitome of luxury. (Or they could use that $ on hurricane relief...or better yet, let ME donate MY money to hurricane relief.)

And then, if we didn't go to war with Iraq, I could have my extra gas money and fix the air conditioner in my car before summer gets here and Butterfly learns what sweat is!

[Disclaimer: I am not saying that the war is wrong; I haven't decided yet. Sometimes I lean towards the 'war is wrong under any circumstance' pacifism, but then I think of Hitler and how if he hadn't been stopped, he would have killed even more people. Or Stalin -- if only someone had stopped him before he killed even more people than the Nazis. And was Sadaam Hussein just another Hitler or Stalin in the making? On the other hand, is Iraq - and the world - that much better off because we invaded? How long would it have taken Sadaam to kill as many innocent civilians as have perished because of the war? And more importantly, would Jesus have gone to war?]

Just a little of what goes on in my head.....