I am amazing. Truly.

I am an amazing person. Incredible, really.

Now before you start thinking, 'Wow, she really has a big head', believe me I don't. I've always my whole life felt 'not-good-enough' and just plain inadequate to varying degrees. However, thanks to much LOVE and affection tossed my way throughout the years, I've pretty much gotten that nasty nagging voice down to a teensy-weensy little whisper that only pops up occassionally. Like when I see ridiculously thin super models on the covers of things when I am waiting in line at the grocery with my cart full of food that will get me farther and farther away from ever being truly thin again. And, excuse me - why do they show us these pictures and try to get us to buy lots of food at the same time??? Especially the junk food right next to them. Wouldn't it make more sense to have all the 'Don't You Want To Be Skinny And Beautiful?' magazines for sale at the gym or something???

Anyway, where was I? Oh - No, I do not have a self-esteem the size of Brazil (the 4th largest country....I don't know how I know that. Is it true?) In fact, that love I referred to above made it possible for me to acquire what little self-confidence I currently have. It is fragile, like an African violet, but thankfully my wonderful husband and delightful friends know just how much water to give it so it will grow, and I think it might just show some tiny blooms one day. I hope they are purple!

So...back to what I was saying at the beginning: I am astoundingly incredible. And how do I have enough confidence to know that?

Well, I was just looking down at the perfect sleeping baby in my arms and it hit me: she came from me. This utterly perfect, perfectly beautiful, beautifully happy, happily content creature was formed in MY BODY. She grew and grew and then somehow someway I got her from in there to out here (ugh....there are no words). And every bit of nourishment she has ever received has been from me - every drop. And I can make her smile a gi-normous smile by just glancing her way and saying hello. And I can get her to stop crying better than anyone else in the world. Sometimes I am just the only one who will do. Me. I can do all that. I just cannot fathom it.

So it doesn't really matter anymore that I didn't make a 4.0 in college. Or dropped out of graduate school. Or that I never picked a career. Or that there's all this untapped 'potential' here that may never get tapped at all. Or that I never made much money. Or that my hair isn't brushed or my shoes don't match my purse or I wear white after Labor Day or I don't sit with my legs crossed like a lady or that I have a poochy tummy and my clothes are never all put away at once. So what? I did something BIG. And though she looks little right now, she is huge to me. And I did it right.

(Of course, it was probably because I didn't have any control over any of it, but that's a whole other topic...)

So it is today, the day before my 37th birthday, that I say with the psalmist: 'I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful. I know that full well.'